if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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