she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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