i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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