there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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