I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Too much gin, very little bucket
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
