I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
