I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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