What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
