Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish my penis had a tongue
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize