I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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