my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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