You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His nipple licking is glorious
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