Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
where are my eyebrows?
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