You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
