in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize