the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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