You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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