3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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