Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
