i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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