So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
