I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
