I'm eating all of the evidence.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
