I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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