Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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