i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
