haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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