Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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