oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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