dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found your dick twin last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
