Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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