I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize