got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
