yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
