whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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