She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
are you so shy because you have an std?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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