I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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