I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
