woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
