Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
