Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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