if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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