So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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