The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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