Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
