Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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