The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
