I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
