p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
