Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
