just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
