piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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