I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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