she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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