i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have aggressive nipples.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
