You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
