Already got asked if we're dating
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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