Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
