Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
