Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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