After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
