Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
