there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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