no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
