i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
