It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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