We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize