why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
