fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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