I'm lost and stupid without you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
