a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need to align my fucking chakras
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
