Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i believe in u and ur pee
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
