Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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