I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
