happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
