First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
