people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
