I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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