It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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