Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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