Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
