Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
