i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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