sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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